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Alex Baer

Timing's Everything

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Timing's everything, crucial in humor. Once in a while, Life cooperates, makes slim allowances for fine coincidences -- as in a recent flurry of fun headlines.  Maryland hosted a double-header: free roadside cash, and a stranded superhero by the side of the road, too.

First, 58-hundred bucks flew the coop from an armored truck cruising down I-270, when cash hit the road in two plastic bags, bursting apart when they splashed down, making the paper money fly and fly.  A woman headed to work told AP:  "It was in the traffic lanes and on the shoulders and just generally kind of like a snow globe of cash." Timing, all the way, for the 40 or so who pulled over, stopped to stoop and bend, scooping up bills lickety-split.  The truck continued down the road.  Police have a no-questions-asked, amnesty policy in place for any errant cash being turned in:  so far, a hundred bucks -- good luck with that.

Last Updated on Sunday, 25 March 2012 17:47

Breaking Through to Another Side

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Life has its low points, and a whole bunch of whatever lumped into the middle, and a few bright, diamond-dust highs scattered here and there.  Obviously, the trick is to get out from under the lows, clutch and cling at the middle like crazy, and run the clock, waiting for some highs.

It's never obvious that the lows will in fact bottom out, not while you're in them, hoping the blows will pass.  It's not evident things will turn the corner if shabby luck has the habit of breezing on in, triple-bundled, arriving in wholesale batches from three to thirty-three, by the case and the gross.  Somehow, those low points actually come to an end:  We get through, get back to the middle, and even go on to some more highs.

Last Updated on Sunday, 25 March 2012 11:56

Reflections, Refractions, Distractions

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JP Morgan's shut / Holy See's bank account, re: / transparency, see?

One bank push will do / the trick - take the whole thing down. / We want this, you-me?

In Kuwait, Kazakh's / shoot-team won a gold medal: / Borat anthem, erred.

More than 200 / "dry" U.S. counties persist. / "How dry I am" airs.

Last Updated on Saturday, 24 March 2012 10:55

Technoverts in Hell

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So, here, we technoverts are gathered, hanging out in Hell's Waiting Room, or some antecedent zone, propped up on a mushy, trashed sofa, pitched down and to the right via a missing caster, accidentally and unintentionally side-saddle surfing against gravity, counterbalancing ourselves and our black coffee the color of burnt brimstone in a gleaming-white styrofoam cup, eyeing the other options in seating:  one of the mismatched, armless, straight-backed, metal-legged, vinyl-covered, dinette-set sort of chairs.  Or else, it's the lumpy, lumpen utility seat and camouflaged toy chest in the corner, a mute ottoman in this woebegone empire.

There's an ancient, wooly mammoth of a real-wood, entertainment center and console teevee playing, as the rest of it grazes on the piebald, black-and-white carpet, the color scheme mimicking the screen.  Across the room, the picture image alternates its view between hissing snow and a slow-roller of a channel, where the image is always scrolling up, in erratic, self-set speeds.

Last Updated on Friday, 23 March 2012 18:00

Spectres & Spectacles, Part 2

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No, we won't be going down into the basement dungeon with these goons -- we've heard all about these gory, gut-wrenching, gut-slashing movies -- but we will walk down one or two stairs, shine the flashlight around, see if they've added any new chains to the wall.  Looks like it's all the same stuff down here -- except for the half-finished, half-hearted start on clasps with Idaho's state seal.

Most everything is still in place, here in the dungeon of the legal rape of women, a museum of GOP achievements, coming between women and their doctors.  Still legal to rape women in Texas with forced sonograms, under a law passed by 15 men and 2 women, all wielding black arts and books of spells. Virginia's waffling around, first plunging in probes, now retreating to on-and-around -- but, rape is still rape, no matter the degree, at least, by any definition of hell on this Earth.

There will be more copy-cat, piling-on later, you know how this works with inhumane humans, so eager to add to the list.  Formerly pseudo-sane places will be right along, like Pennsylvania -- home of the Santorum -- and Alabama, Georgia, and other viper pits of unabashedly stout religious fevers and fervors, snake-handler style, speaking in tongues, mostly forked.

Last Updated on Thursday, 22 March 2012 18:10

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