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Alex Baer

It's So Nice We're All Being So Nice

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Based on news reports we're all seeing, hearing, and reading, there is an epic amount of hand-wringing going on in every media office, cubicle, and cubbyhole.

It's especially impressive that so many intricate, flailing hand motions can be maintained, all while your feet and legs are dancing as fast as they possible can, all around not saying what you mean.

You see, Paul Ryan has been using the English language again.  As usual, he is not interested in using that language to shed any light on plans and facts, but on maiming and hiding them as best he can.

Meanwhile, news anchors, writers, and editors -- and everyone else who finds him- or herself in the clutches of mainstream media employment -- is scanning and thumbing through every possible Thesaurus that can be unearthed and brought to bear on a wholly vexing question:

What else can we call someone for stretching things, without using that awful "L" word?

Last Updated on Thursday, 30 August 2012 22:55

Republicans: One Size (or Lie) Fits Most

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You may be noticing some of these pieces feel as if you've read them before.  In a manner of speaking, you have.  It's on the order of one-size-fits-all, since any lie fits almost any Republican, and vice-versa.

Today's example:  The Romney campaign is running an ad about welfare that uses absolutely no facts -- just lies. Nothing but lies.  The campaign says it's their most effective ad yet, and no, they're not at all concerned the ad has no basis whatever in fact.

A Romney pollster was quoted as saying,  "We're not going to let our campaign be dictated by fact-checkers."  That level of outlandish, outrageous behavior is simply stunning -- lying, then bragging about it, and then being proud of it, too.

Last Updated on Wednesday, 29 August 2012 17:19

Hot Air Shouldn't Delay This 'Party'

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Tropical Storm Isaac's moist, warm winds increased speed to 70 miles per hour late today, just 4 mph short of a hurricane -- which is anywhere from 293 to 449 mph short of the hot-air wind-speed records that blowhards will achieve at this year's Republican parr-tee in Tampa.

In all, 2,286 delegates and 2,125 alternate delegates have gathered in one spot -- since quarantined by the Combined National Emergency Weather and Mental Health Centers, and dubbed a dangerous depression -- one not curable by anti-psychotic medications.

Chief meteorologist Wendy Enhowlen says, "It might be tropical right here, but this great depression is more topical,  especially with the economic stresses most regular people face today."

She added, "Global climate change provokes more problems than just multiplying the numbers of hurricanes.  For one thing, the palmetto bugs here are the size of reindeer."

Last Updated on Tuesday, 28 August 2012 21:28

Bizarro-Squared, Away

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Update on our universe's intersection with the Bizarro realm's version:  Effects continue to ripple and pulse outward in huge waves, like pychosis-tsunami wannabes.

Researchers say the impact is anywhere from as little as a two percent increase in most lifeforms, to as much as three quadrillion percent as severe in Republicans, based on observable behaviors and statements, not on any increased understanding as yet of the phenomenon itself.

You may remember the most recently-felt effects were triggered by -- or culminated in -- Uber-One-Percenter Willard Romney's selection of Teabagger Paul Ryan as a running mate.

"Depth and duration of symptoms really run the gamut in this thing," said Dr. Oliver Hellenbach, Verity Department Chair of the Astoot-Klevver Mind Institute, "from confusion of fact and fantasy, as we see in Romney, to the complete breakdown in reality seen in Ryan -- which fully explains the budget mirages of one, and the absolute inability of the other to keep his story straight."

Last Updated on Saturday, 25 August 2012 17:07

Dear World: Watch Your Back.

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Dear World,

It's been quite a while since we've written, and seemingly even longer since we've written anything intelligent or intelligible -- nothing that wasn't scrawled in blood and abruptly shoved into your view.  Certainly nothing much worth reading.

After a Constitution, Bill of Rights, and assorted amendments, we may be intellectually exhausted.  You have to admit, that was a stretch of extraordinary thinking, imagining such lofty thoughts as being worth a go by mere human beings.

Of course, founding this country on genocide and slavery are facts that have kept many of us up, late at night, stark awake, inconsolably saddened.

And, as you can plainly see from modern events here, we all remain clueless how to honestly engage such horrific histories, or even begin to make such things right.

Last Updated on Friday, 24 August 2012 19:14

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