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Alex Baer

The Air is Alive with Santorum

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Ever get something caught in your throat, you don't know it got there, it won't loosen its grip, and there's a split-second of eternity, in which there is instinctive fear, a panic-button reaction?

Yeah, well, it happened here, just last night.  The offender in question, generally so, was American Exclusivism, we'll go ahead and call it -- the capacity, unlike other sovereign nations, to be fully and totally, flaming-bat-guano, flat-out insane: psycho-religio-socially so.

We've moved on from the banal fiction of artificial elevation of American Exceptionalism, created by simpleton decree, and continually-called such by dangerously deluded political gangster types.  Welcome, now, to the writ-large, Dali-esque diorama of Exclusivity.  Welcome  into the fractured realm of religious terrorism of the first order and degree.

Last Updated on Monday, 27 February 2012 19:48

Shark, Dolphin, Lifeboat.

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News comes and goes, ebbs and flows, sails in and out of view.  Some we hang onto, almost tethered by rope, others slip loose in daydreams or in fuller sleep.  They are daily ship's logs, these reports, raindrops that sprinkle on us, way out at sea, where moisture takes whatever landfall it can find:  The news, only a little spray from the bow, a bit of wet on the face -- nothing to warrant change in direction.

This is why the rogue wave, tall as a small planet, hit with no warning, struck a cracking blow amidships, nearly broke it in two -- only out trolling for news when the skies tore in half and the ocean threw itself down, pitched and buried everything alive in a sea cave, below, way, way down.

Last Updated on Sunday, 26 February 2012 12:53

Really: Stop Making Sense

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Stop making sense with Republicans:  Studies are showing you're just wasting your time, trying to be reasonable with this group of humanoids in our family, all the while hoping facts will illuminate the path, facts will help turn the corner, facts will help reveal the righteous path we all need to walk.

Ain't gonna happen. Clouds won't be parting, there will be no shafts of penetrating sunlight appearing on non-fact-believer foreheads, no sudden appearance of brightening light bulbs overhead, no swirls of St. Elmo's Fire ambling through to expose Republican minds to instantaneous and thunderstruck activation.

Last Updated on Saturday, 25 February 2012 11:52

Priorities? Piece of Cake.

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Each day tops the one before it.  Each day takes the cake -- so much cake, the day-old rack is left abandoned and lonely, only cobwebs for company.  Takes a lot of calories, blowing out those industrial-strength cobwebs, getting the national priorities all straightened around.  Must have taken a ton of calories, telling us all once, and telling us all still, just go shopping -- shut up, go eat, let them have cake.

Here comes a hot loaf now, right from a Yemeni island kitchen, set up for our troops, or, so says the wrapper: Baked up nice and fresh!  Have a nice day! Uncle Sam's Bakery's not pulling up stakes anytime soon.  Looks like we'll always be able to have our cake and eat it, too.

Last Updated on Friday, 24 February 2012 22:42

Let's Play 'Real or Surreal'!

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In keeping with ongoing court decisions and legal probes checking the depths to which liars may legally go as individuals and industries, we present the following Scratch-and-Sniff Test to help you more finely hone your truth-detecting skills.

These sharpened abilities may come in handy someday, down the line, at a teevee game show in which you are a contestant guessing the truthiness levels of politicians' fact-bending whoppers, or, at the new and used car lot, when the latest price offer you made has to get trotted back for the manager's look-see.  In the first case, good luck, you might still win on a technicality or default;  in the second, not to worry, your salesperson is pulling for you, going toe-to-toe with the boss on your behalf!

Last Updated on Friday, 24 February 2012 19:12

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