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OFFICE OF THE PRESIDENT
AMERICAN TERROR PERMIT
Note: Acts of terror may be perpetrated upon the people of these United States and/or the world only in strict accordance with guidelines proscribed in the Bush/PNAC Doctrine. To receive a Terror Permit, all applicants must agree to the terms below:
Applicants must be involved in actions that directly or indirectly result in immediate or eventual harm to large segments of the population.
Applicants must operate with complete disregard for human health, well being or life expectancy.
Applicants must be highly motivated by monetary and gain or religious fervor.
TERROR PERMITS ARE AVAILABLE IN THE FOLLOWING CATEGORIES:
MASS POISONING – AIR POLLUTION: the release of toxins into the air that result in respiratory and/or circulatory distress, disease, or death.
MASS POISONING – WATER POLLUTION (drinking and/or ground water): the release of toxins that reach sources of water above or below ground level; may include lakes, rivers, and/or oceans.
MASS POISONING – CHEMICAL ADDITIVES (ingestible products): the addition of untested and/or harmful substances to food products.
MASS POISONING –TOBACCO PRODUCTS: the production, promotion and sale of addictive carcinogens in inhalable or chewable form; focus must be on youthful users of tobacco to replace the half million adult Americans lost yearly to tobacco related deaths; efforts must be made to kill three million people worldwide annually.
GLOBAL WARMING –BURNING of FOSSIL FUELS; DEFORESTATION: any and all industrial action must include the release of atmospheric carbon dioxide. Permit holders must use the phrase “junk science” to describe warming studies corroborating harm to the planet.
HAND GUN PROLIFERATION –GUN SHOWS:resistance to any requests for background checks, safety locks, and/or sales to persons convicted of violent crimes. Permit holders must memorize and consistently refer to the Second Amendment to the US Constitution.
UNAFFORDABLE HEALTH CARE – DOCTORS/HOSPITALS/LONG TERM CARE: resistance to any government plan for affordable, universal care; causing serious physical harm or death by reducing, restricting or hindering access to quality health care.
UNAFFORDABLE PRESCRIPTION DRUGS: maintenance of outrageous profits for pharmaceutical companies; resistance to importation of Canadian medications; assuring that prescription medications remain at consistently outrageous levels.
ANTI-CHOICE ACTIVISM: working towards reversal of Roe v. Wade, the re-emergence of back alley abortionists, and the prosecution of abortion practitioners.
PROLIFERATION OF PREVENTABLE DISEASES – AIDS AND OTHER STD’s: hindering, reducing or restricting access to sex education, condoms or other preventive measure to save lives in the US and around the world.
IMPORTANT: The President of the United States and the members of the Project for a New American Century (PNAC) reserve the right to grant TERROR PERMITS to any and all parties who shall be deemed supporters and contributors to plans for pre-emptive military action in countries designated as “evil.”
SPECIAL TERROR PERMITS SHALL BE CONSIDERED FOR APPLICANTS WHO:
- Manufacture arms and/or equipment needed to invade and occupy third world nations.
- Exhibit expertise in rebuilding and restoring structures and institutions destroyed by military incursions by the United States military.
- Recruit and install “democratically appointed” exiles to act as governing councils in invaded countries;
- Assist the President and his advisors in the distortion and manipulation of intelligence information that effectively influences popular support for future wars.
TERROR PERMITS WILL NOT BE ISSUED TO THE FOLLOWING:
- Persons of Islamic decent, or whose skin tone suggests Middle Eastern ethnicity.
- Persons with legitimate grievances against oppressive regimes.
- Persons committing violent acts without US corporate or institutional approval.
WARNING: ANYONE COMMITTING ACTS OF TERROR WITHOUT A PERMIT WILL BE PROSECUTED SECRETLY AND WITHOUT BENEFIT OF COUNSEL.
NOTE: ALL PERMIT FEES WILL BE SHARED BY THE FOLLOWING:
The Carlyle Group Halliburton Corporation
Bechtel Corporation Republican National Committee
TheBilderberg Group The Freemasons
Skull and Bones The Trilateral Commission
The Illuminati The Council on Foreign Relations
V.P. Dick Cheney (deferred payment) Ahmed Chalabi
The Committee to re-insert George W. Bush into the office of President of the United States
FILL OUT COMPLETELY:
Corporation or Group___________________________________________________________
TERROR PERMIT Category____________________________________________________
Briefly describe your reasons for applying for a Terror Permit. Be sure to include the numbers of people you expect to harm and the time period required for harmful effects to take place. ________________________________________________________________________ __
Estimated Profit (in millions/billions of dollars)_________________________________________
Biblical Passage Supporting Your Action (if applicable)__________________________________
DISCLAIMER: If your application is approved, there is no guarantee that you will not be prosecuted under the Patriot Act at the whim of the Attorney General and the Justice Department.
DOWNLOAD YOUR APPLICATION: CLICK HERE.