Read the stories that TV news networks forget to report!
PLEASE HELP ME! An Appeal from Dick Cheney (A TvNewsLIES.org parody) - Download: Click Here!
As this nation’s Pres…er….Vice President, I am appealing to all of you for help! For the past three and a half years I have tried harder than any other official of the Bush administration to attract the attention of the news media. I have done all I can to provide this country with a host of activities and statements that were unquestionably worthy of front page news. And yet, with their usual liberal bias, the news media have chosen to ignore me at every turn. This cannot go on….IT IS ABSOLUTELY OUTRAGEOUS!
Let’s get real, here. I am the Vice President, and I deserve better treatment. This unfair, unbalanced, and ultimately open bias cannot continue. The media has elected to spend hours and days on sensational and titillating stories that can’t hold a candle to mine. They prefer to report the details of every celebrity trial, while ignoring my devious conduct completely. This must not go on…IT IS ABSOLUTELY UNACCEPTABLE!
The news media have willfully ignored to report important stories about me, the Vice President, in favor of issues that are exponentially less important to the American public. I can prove this beyond any reasonable doubt, and need your help to put an end to the disrespect being shown to my office. This must end now….IT IS ABSOLUTELY UNAMERICAN!
Here are just a few examples of my rejection at the hands the liberal media:
While I was doing this:
The media was busy with this:
Fighting multiple lawsuits in an effort to keep public energy task force meeting information from the pubic and away from any oversight…
The Gary Condit affair, in which he was falsely accused of being involved in the death of an intern. He had so much negative media attention that his career was ended!
Running the government from my secret location while my puppet was out taking photo ops…
The official WH story of the events of 9/11, without reporting my involvement in the Project for a New American Century and its anticipation of a catastrophic event like another Pearl Harbor.
Making repeated visits to CIA offices as we developed our Iraq threat propaganda initiative.
Terrorizing America by reporting my propaganda to the public without giving me any credit for cherry picking the intelligence data.
Obeying a court order to disclose the Iraqi oil maps that were used during my secret energy meetings long before 9.11.
The Kobe Bryant story that was all over the headlines. Who is this guy anyway? I never heard of him.
Making sure Halliburton would make billions from the Iraq invasion.
Ignoring the no-bid aspect of the Iraq contracts and cheerleading the invasion of Iraq as part of the War on Terror
Being investigated for bribery by a French court for shady dealings when I was with Halliburton.
Covering Martha Steward for days on end; covering the Scott Peterson trial forever and ever
Becoming the focus of an investigation related to the outing of a CIA operative – that is a felony and possibly an act of treason that could result in untold damage to our intelligence operations.
Paying tons of attention to John Edwards’ lack of experience and suggesting that being a trial lawyer is a crime in itself.
Becoming the focus of a Grand Jury probe into my company, Halliburton, doing illegal business with Iran; (you do know about Iran…that other axis of evil).
Casting aspersions on Sandy Berger and Joe Wilson who are not even working for this government, and making them appear to be criminals.
Repeating the lies about Saddam’s WMD’s and the Saddam-AlQaeda link, over and over.
Ignoring the fact that a Vice President was blatantly defying the findings of a Congressional investigation
I rest my case. Not a single one of my suspicious actions, my secretive activities, or my deceptive statements have ever made prime time. Not a single one has been reported, despite all the effort I have put into being as underhanded and as nefarious as possible. That must not be allowed. IT IS ABSOLUTELY SHAMEFUL!
Now, good people of America, I ask you to help me in this fight against the liberal media. Please call your liberal news organizations – such as CNN & Fox News - and demand that they end their bias and start paying some attention to Dick Cheney, Vice President of these United States! After all I have done, is there any question that I deserve some front page and prime time attention?
After all, the American public has a right to know about me! Keeping them in the dark during a presidential campaign is unthinkable, and must not happen. IT WOULD BE ABSOLUTELY DISGRACEFUL!
Thank you, Richard (Dick) Cheney Your aptly titled VICE President I can’t figure out why the media pays no attention to me!!!