If you thought the criteria for suspicious activity in terms of potential terrorism couldn’t get any more broad and ludicrous, prepare to be taken aback.

According to a document entitled “Terrorism Awareness and Prevention: Participant Guide” distributed by the New Jersey Office of Homeland Security & Preparedness (which you can see embedded below), almost every single action should be treated as suspicious.

These include glances, wide open eyes, cold penetrating stares, trance-like gazes, exaggerated yawning when engaged in conversation, protruding or beating neck arteries, repetitive touching of face, tugging on or covering ears, increased breathing rate, panting, excessive fidgeting, clock watching, head turning, pacing or jumpiness, trembling, unusual perspiration, goose bumps, and/or rigid posture with minimal body movements and arms close to sides.

In other words, if you’re late for something or in a rush (“excessive fidgeting, clock watching”), you might be a terrorist. If you’ve been exercising (“increased breathing rate, panting,” “protruding or beating neck arteries”), you might be a terrorist.

On the other hand, if you’re tired (“trance-like gaze,” “exaggerated yawning”) you also might be a terrorist. Yet, if you’re energetic or perhaps drank too much coffee (“wide open ‘flashbulb eyes,’” “pacing or jumpy,” “trembling,” “unusual perspiration,” “excessive fidgeting”), you might also be a terrorist.

You’d better not be too energetic, too tired, in a rush, plagued by a wide range of medical conditions, returning from exercise, or generally display almost any bodily behaviors as someone might consider you a suspicious person and report you for possible terrorist activity.

But it doesn’t stop there! Other suspicious activities when it comes to vehicles are “unusual behavior,” which is undefined and could mean just about anything, “signs of fear or stress,” or “refusal or disregard of directions.”

It gets even more insane when they go over signs which make a vehicle itself suspicious.

These include, “Unusual items clearly visible inside or attached to the outside [of the vehicle],” “stopped or parked in strange or out-of-place locations,” “parked close to agency assets such as terminals, rail lines and bridges,” “missing or altered license plates,” “visibly overloaded or sagging.”

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