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Bob Alexander's Commentary

Where are the Grownups?

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We could buy Real Fireworks for the 4th of July because we lived near the Port Madison Indian Reservation in Washington state. No wimpy sparklers for us. None of that Safe N Sane garbage. These were definitely Unsafe and Insane. We could buy stuff that exploded. As SCTVs Billy Sol Hurock and Big Jim McBob used to say, It blowed up real good.

I was about to set off a rocket slightly smaller than a cruise missile when I noticed a warning on the box, Use under adult supervision.

Well I guess that would be me. A crazed adolescent in an aging body with an arsenal of dangerous, albeit colorful, explosives. I lit the fuse and ran. It shot up a couple of hundred feet and KA-WHAP. A pyrotechnic chrysanthemum lit up the sky over our house with a sonic boom that rattled our windows. Another successful 4th of July. Nothing caught on fire and everybody still had all their fingers. As we walked back into the house I realized I finally looked old enough to do all the stuff I couldnt possibly get away with as a teenager.

Last Updated on Wednesday, 21 March 2012 23:47 Read more...

Lurking in the Shadows

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I don’t care that the retail Christmas season starts earlier and earlier every year. I’m almost continually freaked out that Halloween hasn’t stopped since December 12th 2000. It’s like we’re all living in a demented version of the film, Groundhog day. The alarm goes off, we get up, and something horrible happens. All day long we wish we could change something but the next morning … the alarm goes off, we get up, and something horrible happens.

It’s Kafka’s world … we just live in it. With a little bit of H.P. Lovecraft thrown in to ramp up the creep factor.
Last Updated on Wednesday, 07 March 2012 23:51 Read more...

I Thought My Grandfather Was Dead.

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My mom’s step-dad was the only grandfather I ever knew. He was a short, stout, outwardly devout Christian and looked like a Norman Rockwell American straight from a cover of The Saturday Evening Post. He and the rest of Nixon’s “Silent Majority” were taken completely by surprise by the '60’s. The seemingly placid era of the '50’s was turned upside down when Negroes forgot their place and demanded Civil Rights. The next thing he knew young people defied authority and refused to support the war in Vietnam. Women suddenly seemed to lose their minds and wanted control over their own bodies. Clean cut kids started growing their hair long, smoking dope, and having irresponsible sex. This deeply disturbed millions of Americans like my grandfather who sincerely believed sex was only safely discussed within the confines of a Reader’s Digest article.

I can understand his confusion and anger. At the end of World War Two there was only one colossus bestriding the globe and that was us.

Last Updated on Tuesday, 21 February 2012 22:21 Read more...

That Don’t Make No Sense

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The phrase, “That Don’t Make No Sense.” from the Coen brothers’ movie O Brother Where Art Thou?, comes to mind every single time I read news from the U.S.

Amnesty International: Time For Stricter Controls on Taser Use
http://crooksandliars.com/susie-madrak/amnesty-international-time-stricter-c

According to data collected by Amnesty International, at least 500 people in the USA have died since 2001 after being shocked with Tasers either during their arrest or while in jail.

Among the cases reviewed, 90 percent of those who died were unarmed. Many of the victims were subjected to multiple shocks.”

Last Updated on Thursday, 16 February 2012 23:09 Read more...

Up a Lazy River

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I went to a treatment center for alcoholism 22 years ago.

How’s that for creating a 100% guaranteed awkward pause?

I know … I know … It’s one of the most repellant conversation openers topped only by, “Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your Personal Lord and Savior?” Or better yet … sometimes you get the double whammy from some guy who found Gawd at a treatment center, turned his life around, and is now spreading The Good News as a Clean and Sober Christian … Hallelujah!

Last Updated on Tuesday, 07 February 2012 21:24 Read more...

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