Hip Shots from the Lip


Willard Romney can't seem to make up his mind about which foot it is he prefers in his mouth, constantly trying one, then the other.

Running mate Paul Ryan can't stop shooting from the hip, shooting off his lip, fatally winging any chance he ever had to be taken seriously by any sane adult whose brains still work somewhat close to spec.

Between one man's random ricochets off mistruths, and the other's routine taste-testing of his own feet, this is one heckuva team, Brownie.

It's just a matter of time before one of them panics, accidentally speaking truth, while the other finally accepts his limitations and hires out for more feet.

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Representative Ryan tried to slam a car door on President Obama's fingers late this week, for failing to keep open an auto plant in Ryan's Wisconsin district.  Thing is, the plant closed in 2008, under George W. Bush, before Obama took office.

Surprise, it's the "Truthiness" Festival! >Splat!< Egg, meet face; face, egg.

As much as Republicans could pretty much have their pick on which real actions upon which they might take Obama to task, they seem intent on manufacturing lies, happily content with making things up.  That, and perpetual, thinly-veiled racism, of course.

It's a shoe-in this trend will continue -- and that Romney will continue to split his time, insulting America's friends, and enjoying the taste of his own, and other's, feet.  Ryan, meanwhile, will keep playing at his pose of being a hip-shooting, crack-shot cowboy, only to end up looking like a cow pie, shot full of crack.

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RYAN BLAMES OBAMA:  High, Low Tides President's Fault, Rails Against Favoritism to Coasts by Placing Oceans There.

That's a headline we can look forward to, along with this one:

ROMNEY INSULTS ASIA:  Says to China, Japan, Both Koreas -- All 'You People' Look Alike.

In days ahead, we should brace for impact, knowing that Obama has failed to build and maintain a modern, national railroad, with everything his personal fault, going back to 1935 on up to present, as well as allowing the Titanic to sink.

Not only that, Obama failed to prevent or stop earthquakes in San Francisco, in 1906, and again in Alaska, in 1964!

Any day now, the charge will be leveled that Obama is an operative from the Republic of Maldives, sent here to poke around, looking for good real estate foreclosure deals -- chunks of America easily broken off from the continent, and efficiently towed to that beautiful, but dirt-poor, that is to say, land-poor island nation in the Indian Ocean.

Rumors from the R & R campaign -- warmly and affectionately known as "Rig and Reward" to staffers and insiders -- persist that they will take Obama to task for his biggest oversight to date:  Failing to correct his error, in which the same side of the moon always displays to us on Earth, thereby "falsifying and hiding one half of this great American treasure."

Republicans always torture their version of truth, trying to get their tales to bulk up and shoot for the moon.

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One Ryan minute, it's I never asked for stimulus cash, to us in the audience, and in the next Ryan minute it's Oh, that's right I did.

Or, it's Let's blow up Medicare so I can give you a healthcare discount coupon, rather than actual healthcare, and in the next, it's NoI never-ever said that, but don't you think, on second thought, that might work, at least for a few days every year, until your annual payment runs out -- usually by January fifth?

Or, just plain old, Yes, I went to that confidential banking meeting, got my butt scared off, and sold those stocks as fast as I could, you kidding me? Or maybe not.  Who knows?  No, I, uh, forget.  Wait.  Maybe.  I guess.  Not sure.  I think.

* * * * *

(Hey -- wasn't this exactly what Martha Stewart did that got her some free vacation time at Uncle Sam's rest farm, in Ye Olde Timely Manor, the original gated community?)

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One Romney minute, it's I always paid at least 13 percent in taxes, to us 30-percent payers out here with far less, and in the next it's But, no, I won't show you, you'll just have to trust me. Or else, it's No, no, I quit Bain by then and Isn't it great, all these Tweets? and the next minute it's Well, I quit retroactively and Well, some of them were hired, I guess.

Frankly, we can't wait to see and hear all the explanations, fabrications, truth-bending, and fancy stories that will emerge from all the times these two have gotten caught, red-handed, with their hands in the cookie jars of life -- not to either purposefully mention or leave out any other body parts that may be involved.

Creativity counts -- remember, you're both deeply pious men who would never lie.

This campaign season might pull out of its dreary dive and provide plenty of sparkling entertainment yet.

Something tells me we haven't yet begun to see any championship yarn spinnin' or fancy footwork, or even any real scramblin' jus' yet.

Lay in a good supply of popcorn.  The Previews of Coming Distraction appear to have run their course, and the Feature Presentation is all set to roll -- right over us, and right over the top.

A few links -- goodness knows there are too many to list: