A funny, changed a bit in view of recent developments!
A Divided Country: BLUE STATES
SAY LET THE RED STATES
Here's how it would work, in a letter from the Blue States:
Dear Red States:
We've learned that you want to SECEDE, so we're very glad to give you your wish.
Go ahead and form your own country, because those in the blue states will be much better
off without you.
But you might want to consider the following before you let the door shut on your sorry asses
and in case your geography knowledge isn't any better than your spelling, the blue states include
Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, California, Minnesota, Wisconsin,
Michigan, Illinois and all of the Northeast. (We believe Indiana will vote BLUE on this issue. Florida will, too.)
To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states; we get stem cell research and the best beaches.
We get the Statue of Liberty; you get Opry Land.
We get Harvard; you get Ole' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs; you get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue; you get to try to make the red states
pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the
Christian Coalition's we get a bunch of happy families; you get a
bunch of single moms.
Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80% of the country's
fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the
nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines (you can serve
French wines at state dinners). 90% of all cheese, 90 percent of the
high tech industry, most of the US low sulfur coal, all living
redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools
plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
With the Red States you will have to cope with 88% of all obese
Americans and their projected health care costs, 92% of all US
mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99%
of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists,
Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson. and the University of
We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by
a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death
penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that
Saddam was involved in 9/11. and 61% of you crazy bastards believe you
are people with higher morals then we lefties.
We get the good pot too. You can have that dirt weed they grow
The Blue States.